Friday, October 19, 2012
Week 9 discussion - Question 2
I think the last time I felt disconfirmed or defensive was when I had a talk with my mom about my curfew. I'm a sophomore year in college and already 19 years old, but she still feels that I need to be home by 10 pm. I believe that since I'm getting older, I should be allowed to be given trust with staying out late since I'm a good student and never did anything stupid to put myself in harm. My mom was very disconfirmed towards me because she did not want to listen to my thoughts and feelings at all and she did not even let me communicate with her at all because the whole time it was very one sided, which was her side. I feel like neutrality was present in the situation because she didn't show any interest in what I had to say. Also, certainty because my mom thought the whole time that she was right and my arguments were invalid and/or wrong.
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I really enjoyed this post and think it is very interesting. I have to say we have all been there and I know how you feel. My parents were the same way with me until I moved away from Los Angeles to come to SJSU. Being able to put space between us allowed them to learn how to trust my independence. I still have to remind them now and then that I am okay and not to worry so much, but it takes work! I think this chapter gives some great suggestions on how to begin that initial communication especially with parents who don’t seem to understand us all the time.
ReplyDeleteHaha, you are lucky to be able to go out until 10pm. I have to be home by 5:30pm. and I have to be in bed by 10:00pm. I honestly think that you might be pushing it. What do you have to do so late anyways? Most shops are closed unless you are partying with friends or studying hard for a midterm or final or something. I don't think there is a need to be out after 10:00pm unless you are going clubbing or drinking illegally. Plus, weirdo drivers come out at night and stuff I hear them race up and my block all the time because I live near one of the popular racing spots. THERE REALLY ISN'T A NEED TO BE OUT AFTER 10:00pm. I stand behind you mom on at one. You are only 19, still fresh. Listen to your parents no matter how irrational they may seem at the moment. True words of advice passed down to me from LOTS of people. There are only so many years your parents can truly act the way they do now. You live under their roof, you use their items, you can eat for free, they basically provide everyone for you. You cannot get any financial aid without their help, I checked. Just listen, grit your teeth, don't argue. Just go with their flow.
ReplyDeleteI can see how you could be defensive when your mom came at you with a curfew when you were 19. I can understand both sides of the argument with your mom wanting you to have a curfew since you still live in her house and you not wanting to have a curfew since you were in college and 19 years old. I think you're right and it sounds like she was using certainty vs. provisionalism in which she was unwilling to consider your opinions. I also think she used control vs. problem orientation in which your mom is trying to exert control over you.
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