Week 13 discussion - Question 3

The thing that stuck out the most to me in this chapter was not any of the big topics or the tiny box section with cool little trivia. It was actually just one line. It said, "Approximately half of first marriages will end in divorce, and even higher proportion - 60% of remarriage end." This line really shocked me. I knew that marriages nowadays often fail because of many reasons, but it really did surprise me to see the actual amount. That means that half of the couples that chose to marry and promise, "For better of for worse" actually did not live up to their vows. It saddens me to know that instead of fixing something that is broken or wrong in the relationship, people take the easy way out and walk away from the problem - divorce. I feel like if at any point, two people are in love and want to make things work, that should be easy to bring back later on too when problems arise. I know I can't speak much about the topic because I have never been married or divorce, but ever since I  can remember about marriage, I believe that two people should always try and fight for their love/marriage because they chose to be with this person forever. Maybe I don't understand. Maybe I'm too young to know the real problems adults face. But I do know that when you say for or for worse, you better mean it.

Week 13 discussion - Question 2

I do believe that marriage and relationships have evolved so much over time, especially in my less-conservative generations. Nowadays, people's views on marriage are definitely not as traditional as before. There are more and more women, surprisingly, who do not feel the need to get married anymore. Back then, women are looked at as men's property and that the only goal they had was to get married because that's what they are meant to do. In this day and age, women choose not to get married because they are independent and can hold their own. I predict as time goes on, this will change even more and women will realize more that they do not a man or marriage at all in their life. I also predict (and highly hope!) that over the next 50 years, gay marriage will not become an issue anymore. Many homosexuals are starting to bravely come out nowadays and the more they all stand together and unite can really change people's perspective especially because it really shouldn't matter to anyone else who someone wants to marry. 

Week 13 discussion - Question 1

For me, I define family as people who are there for you unconditionally. I feel like family is supposed to be the group of people who will stick around no matter what because at the end of the day, you guys are all who each other got. Now, family to me does not always mean blood-related, because I sure do have relatives who I don't really consider family because they have not shown me any kind of love and care that can make consider them one. They are simply just people in my life who share the same DNA or last name as me. Family members love, support, and definitely understand each other to the best of their abilities or even more. I think the type of relationship discussed in this chapter that fit my definition of family the most is a diverse family. My family and I all have different goals and we are all different people, but in the end of it all, we all still love each other the same. I don't think anyone who does not allow themselves to love and care for someone unconditionally can ever be a part of a family.

Week 12 discussion - Question 3

The topic that I paid attention to the most and even showed a friend is "Adapt communication to maintain long-distance relationships". Personally, I have not been in a long-distance relationship, but having a couple of friends who are in one gives me more insight that I would want to know. Sometimes, my friends vent to me so much about their problems with their long-distance partner, that I actually feel I'm in one also! Lately, a friend of mine has been going through a tough time being with someone so far away from her and since it was midterms week, they barely got to talk to each other. At this time, I already ran out of advice for her because I've been helping her out for months now. I read this section and found it real interesting when the book states, "because partners have limited time together, they often think that every moment must be perfect" This little line summed up everything that my friend has been dealing with for months! There's an added pressure for a long-distance relationship because they feel like every chance they get with each other has to be perfect and planned out. When in reality, the simple little things are what matter the most. Their unrealistic expectations, according to the book, leads to the second problem faced by most long-distance relationships.

Week 12 discussion - Question 2

Yes, I have experienced a relationship before that had love, but not commitment. As a young adult, most men my age feel like they can't allow themselves to be tied down in a relationship because there are simply just other options out there. For a while, I have been "dating" this guy, it was not said that we were actually dating or together (hence, the lack of commitment), but we both knew that we cared about each other a lot. We we're always there for each other and mostly acted like we we're officially together, but he never found it in himself to fully commit to me enough to ask me to be his girlfriend. It started out okay for me, but after a while I had to let him go because I wanted someone who would actually make things official with me. 

Ironically, after some time, I did find myself tied with another guy. This time around, it was with one of my closest guy friends. He told me that since I was finally single, he can let me know his true feelings for me. At first, I was freaked out, but after a couple days I began to see him in a new light. But since I did not have feelings for him to begin with, the feelings I thought I had for him began to go away. At the time it did, we were starting to "get to know each other" better. I committed myself to him by trying to "love" him the way he did for me, but in the end it was just really some friendly thing. I was committed because I tried and did my best to return the affection I was getting, but in the end, a relationship can't function without the right kind of love. 

I think being in relationships that somewhat had love but not commitment and commitment but not love makes me conclude that they can never really work out unless both are present. The two of them are both key things to have a successful relationship with someone. 

Week 12 discussion - Question 1

I believe that in this day and age of technology, it has been very easy for people to misrepresent who they are through the internet and other means of social media. I think it's not ethical to do so because not only are they deceiving people, but they are also cheating themselves out of what could be a potential friendship/relationship. By not allowing people to know who you truly you are, you cannot possibly make a strong connection with them. Basically, if you misrepresent yourself, you are basically lying for the rest of your relationship with any person. I think it definitely is more likely online to have deception, but it does not mean that it can't happen in face-to-face interaction also. It's easier for people to lie while behind a computer screen because their body language and facial expressions cannot be seen. During face-to-face interactions, it's difficult to misrepresent your appearance because they can see you. Also, it's very hard for someone to change up who they are in person because their mannerisms an actions are what they are used to in their day to day life. Unlike over the internet, where you could just make up who you are because no one else would know the truth.

Week 11 discussion - Question 3

On this chapter, the "Don't sweat the small stuff" really stood out to me because sometimes I do have the tendency to focus on the little things that my friends do wrong rather than looking past it and remembering all the good that they have done. I feel like all the little things that do irritate me makes me think that they're not worthy of being friends with, but in reality I'm just blinded by those irritations. For example, I have a friend that always changes plans whenever we hang out. One of my biggest pet peeves is plans not going accordingly because then I get stressed and anxious. She does almost every time and for some reason, I've made up in my head that she's also a bad friend in other aspects even though she really wasn't. The small stuff that irritated caused me to make up all these other things just because I was annoyed. I blew up on her and our friendship really has not been the same since then. I wish that I didn't let all the small stuff get in my head and make me a little bit delusional because now that everything is said and done, I do believe she was a great friend.

Week 11 discussion - Question 2

My best friend and I have invested so much in our friendship. Being friends since high school, the drama definitely tried to knock us down many times and we both have been caught up in petty fights. We've gotten through these things because we took the time to fix our problems and clear out rumors instead of just not being friends anymore. The trust was built after we both opened up to each other and it was rebuilt after our first "fight" when she confessed about what she did wrong to me instead of me just finding out through other people. This fight also  helped me realize that even though my best friend has done wrong things and have flaws, I am also the same way and we're going to make mistakes in our lives. This realization has helped me accept her more, with flaws and all. Now, we both never have to front when it comes to our feelings and our wrongdoings with each other. Our closeness nowadays are mostly through dialogue since we are both busy with our own lives, but we do make the effort to do activities together when we are both free. I feel like after almost 7 years of friendship, my best friend and I have been consistent with the dynamics discussed in this chapter (except for the first year, which I call the "rough patch"). 

Week 11 discussion - Question 1

It was difficult for me to find something on the forum page that related to some extent to the problems that arise in friendships in this chapter. With that said, I do believe that a lot of friendships, especially the ones that are from high school that do continue onto college face challenges. The external pressure, personal changes, play a huge role in these problems because as friends move on with their lives, they become completely different people. Sometimes, it's easy to deal with the change, but for some people it is not. Thus, a problem can arise or a friendship could end. For example, one of my best friends from high school decided to also attend SJSU with me but became friends with new people as time went by. It was fine with me at first, but after a while, his new group of friends influenced his new interests and his personality just no longer clicked with mine. His personal changes definitely brought out plenty of problems between us and we both tried to fix them to save the friendship, but in the end we just both gave up and respected the fact that we both changed. There were no hard feelings, but it was definitely a sad moment in my life.