Yes, I have experienced a relationship before that had love, but not commitment. As a young adult, most men my age feel like they can't allow themselves to be tied down in a relationship because there are simply just other options out there. For a while, I have been "dating" this guy, it was not said that we were actually dating or together (hence, the lack of commitment), but we both knew that we cared about each other a lot. We we're always there for each other and mostly acted like we we're officially together, but he never found it in himself to fully commit to me enough to ask me to be his girlfriend. It started out okay for me, but after a while I had to let him go because I wanted someone who would actually make things official with me.
Ironically, after some time, I did find myself tied with another guy. This time around, it was with one of my closest guy friends. He told me that since I was finally single, he can let me know his true feelings for me. At first, I was freaked out, but after a couple days I began to see him in a new light. But since I did not have feelings for him to begin with, the feelings I thought I had for him began to go away. At the time it did, we were starting to "get to know each other" better. I committed myself to him by trying to "love" him the way he did for me, but in the end it was just really some friendly thing. I was committed because I tried and did my best to return the affection I was getting, but in the end, a relationship can't function without the right kind of love.
I think being in relationships that somewhat had love but not commitment and commitment but not love makes me conclude that they can never really work out unless both are present. The two of them are both key things to have a successful relationship with someone.
Right! I feel the same as you said that love and commitments are two important aspects of life, which need to go hand in hand for the relationship to work. I remember a similar situation when I was single and a friend came to me saying he always liked me. He insisted that I should give him a chance as loves happens with time, but it did not click. I tried my best because I did not want to hurt him, but I failed to bring romantic feelings for him. Finally we had to call it off because our chemistry just did not work.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that most males are very hesitant to be in a committed relationship. Even though I think they may be in love they don’t want to think about a long term relationship. I thought both of your examples of love and commitment were very interesting. I completely agree with you when you said that both of these two concepts are the key to a successful relationship. I think both partners need to be in love and want to be committed in order to have a successful long term relationship. Most the time love and commitment are intertwined but after reading this chapter I found this isn’t always the case.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't think it is possible to put effort to love someone. Either you click or you don't. I never understood how some people can sell their "love". How is it possible to love someone you are not attracted to? But, yes, love and commitment have to both be present to make it work. I think that maybe if you gave it just a tad bit more time the guy that didn't commit to you would commit. It sounds like (based on what I read) that you guys were almost there. Did you expect him to ask? When you introduce him to new people, do you say: "this is my friend" or do you introduce him as "this is my boyfriend". I think that mentality has to do with it. Sometimes you don't need to pop the question or you can initialize and say "hey boyfriend" and see how they react. Or just go with the flow and ask him out!
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